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When children forget their lunch, can’t solve a math problem, or don’t know how to get somewhere, the instinct for parents can be to step in immediately. But sometimes, the problem is an opportunity.
Developmental experts and educators say children need chances to struggle with everyday problems because figuring them out is a skill that has to be practiced.
The challenge for parents is knowing when to help and when to step back. There is a difference between helping children through difficult situations and removing the problem before they have a chance to try. At a time when an answer or AI-generated help can be seconds away, giving children room to figure things out for themselves can be hard to do.
What independence looks like depends on a child’s age, abilities, and circumstances, but experts say it means learning to plan, make decisions, solve problems, recover from mistakes, and figure out what to do next.
Children have unprecedented access to information, while technology has given parents more ways to monitor their kids’ lives. They can track their children’s locations, see grades in real time, and email teachers immediately. That means parents can intervene before their children have had a chance to realize there is a problem, let alone figure out a solution.
There is a downside to that convenience, said Dr. Dana Suskind, a professor of surgery and pediatrics at the University of Chicago and author of the book Human Raised.
“I think the most important thing we can give children is not the answer, but the experience of figuring it out,” Suskind said. When parents swoop in, she said, children are deprived of opportunities to practice skills like pausing before acting, remembering what worked previously, and trying new solutions.
If children rarely have to struggle, it can lead to severe anxiety when they have to figure out something on their own, said Dr. Stephanie Carlson, director of the Institute of Child Development at the University of Minnesota.
Allowing children to be bored, frustrated, impatient, or nervous can support their learning and better prepare them for adulthood, experts say.
Boredom can facilitate creativity and play while helping children build confidence and resilience, said Kiryn Hoffman, CEO of the National Children’s Museum in Washington, D.C.
This article was provided by The Associated Press.