INTRODUCE
Honne and tatemae are important parts of Japanese culture. Although many consider these concepts unique to Japan, the idea of using indirectness to avoid hurt exists in every culture. The question for most people is when and how much.
PRESENT
STEP A EXPRESSIONS
Go over the first two expressions with your tutor and answer the questions. Then, guess the meaning of the third expression based on the clues provided.
1. A white lie is a lie that is told to be polite or to avoid upsetting someone with the truth.
Dave asked me out on a date. I don’t even like him.
Don’t tell him that! You’ll break his heart. Just tell him a white lie, like you have work or something.
Q: What was the last white lie you told someone?
2. When you read between the lines, you look for a hidden meaning that was not clearly stated.
Well, Yuki says it’s difficult.
Yeah, but if you read between the lines, she’s really trying to tell you no.
Q: Are you good at reading between the lines?
3. _____________ ______.
Mike worked so hard to prepare for his presentation, but it was really terrible! Should I tell him how bad it was?
I wouldn’t. You’d probably hurt his feelings. Remember when we said his handwriting was hard to read? He cried in the bathroom for an hour!
Q: What do you think hurt someone’s feelings means?
STEP B SPEAK YOUR MIND
Sometimes you want to express that there is no clear answer to a question.
Do you think I made the right decision to quit my job?
Well, yes and no. Your company was a nightmare, but you probably should’ve looked for another job before you quit.
UNDERSTAND
SPEAKING
Asami is eating lunch with her coworker Chummy at a park near their office in Sendai.
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- Chummy:
Oh, that reminds me! I have a question for you.
- Asami:
Yeah?
- Chummy:
Why did you tell Emiko that you’ll have lunch with her next month? I thought you didn’t like her!
- Asami:
Oh, you heard that? Yeah, I don’t like her, but she invited me to lunch this Saturday. I just said that I was busy this weekend and that maybe we could have lunch together sometime next month. It’s never going to happen, of course.
- Chummy:
So why not tell her that? Just be honest and tell her that you don’t want to hang out with her outside of the office.
- Asami:
Well, I don’t like her very much, but I don’t want to hurt her feelings! It’s better to just tell her a white lie so she won’t be offended.
- Chummy:
I don’t understand why you can’t just tell her the truth. Is it wrong to be honest about your feelings?
- Asami:
Well, yes and no. Have you heard of the concept of honne and tatemae?
- Chummy:
Not really.
- Asami:
Well, it’s like this: I don’t like Emiko, but that’s something that I should keep to myself. That’s honne.
- Chummy:
Something that you should keep to yourself? That’s funny. We talk about her all the time! (laughs)
- Asami:
I mean, it’s okay to tell you I don’t like her. You’re my best friend. But telling her face to face in front of everyone else? Definitely not. So instead of telling her that I don’t want to have lunch with her because I don’t like her, I just gave an excuse. That’s tatemae. It’s the polite front that I show to others.
- Chummy:
Okay, I get it. But won’t she keep asking you to lunch over and over again if you always just say you’re busy?
- Asami:
Maybe. I hope she’s able to read between the lines, though, and understand that I don’t really want to have lunch.
- Chummy:
(laughs) Emiko? Read between the lines? Good luck with that! I heard she was nicknamed Captain Oblivious by her previous team.
TRIVIA
The Japanese word KY is a shortening of the phrase kuukii yomenai (空気読めない), which literally translates to unable to read the air in English. However, most native speakers would probably just use the word oblivious to describe such a person.
A: I kept hinting that it was late and I was tired, but Ted just kept playing the game!
B: Yeah, he can be a bit oblivious. If you want Ted to go home, you have to tell him clearly.
PRACTICE
Rephrase the sentences using the expressions in the box. Some expressions may be used more than once, and the form of some expressions may need to be changed.
- When I point out people’s mistakes, I sometimes make them feel bad.
- Don’t tell Gary that you don’t want to go to his party! Just tell him an excuse about why you can’t go.
- Mandy didn’t say it directly, but we could all understand what she was hinting at.
- Do you really think I look good in this shirt, or was that just something you said to be nice?
- Tara is really sensitive. It’s so easy to upset her.
CHALLENGE
Challenge 1
Your friend was invited to a speed dating event that he/she doesn’t want to attend. Give him/her advice on how to say no to the invitation.
Today's Expressions
- a white lie
- read between the lines
- hurt someone's feelings
Speak Your Mind
- Yes and no.
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Challenge 2
What do you think? What does your tutor think? Discuss.
If TimeAllows
1 YOUR TRUE THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS |
2 WHITE LIES |
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1 YOUR TRUE THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS
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2WHITE LIES
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FEEDBACK
I can discuss the concept of honne and tatemae and give advice on being indirect.
LESSON GOAL ACHIEVEMENT
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4
Very GoodCould complete the task with ease
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3
GoodCould complete the task with some clarifications
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2
FairCould complete the task with additional instructions
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1
PoorCould somehow complete the task with difficulty
PERSONALIZED FEEDBACK
- RANGE
the ability to use a wide variety of vocabulary - ACCURACY
the ability to speak correctly - FLUENCY
the ability to speak smoothly without pauses or fillers - COHERENCE
the ability to speak logically and at length
